Forty years? How sad. My heart goes out to you.

Is your husband retired now and has he taken any pension payments yet? If the answer is yes it means he already selected the payment method and it's probably locked in. If the answer is no, you might still have some leverage....with help from an attorney.

Example: When I retired I had a choice to take a full pension payment or a lesser one in favor of survivor ( my wife) benefits. That means she would continue to receive benefits in perpetuity after I died. His remark to you about your not getting benefits in the event of his death is disturbing. If the divorce does take place ( I know how devastating that can be) and he does have a survivor provision, he might be able to change the beneficiary, especially if he remarries. I have absolutely no idea how his pension plan works or how Florida handles these things so the only advice I'll give you is:

Don't try to do this on your own. Definitely get an attorney.