ACRONYMS FOR 2009

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULLMARKET -- Arandom market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financialgenius.

BEARMARKET -- A 6 to18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, andthe husband gets no sex.

VALUEINVESTING -- Theart of buying low and selling lower.

P/ERATIO -- Thepercentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD& POOR --Your life in a nutshell.

STOCKANALYST -- Idiotwho just down-graded your stock.

STOCKSPLIT -- Whenyour ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIALPLANNER -- A guywhose phone has been disconnected.

MARKETCORRECTION --The day after you buy stocks.

CASHFLOW-- Themovement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it tosome poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you'rethe sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONALINVESTOR -- Pastyear investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.