Bread and circuses, don't worry about it.   We are all parts good and less good mixed together.  You let us know part of your personal situation and that explains some of your more puzzling posts... try from now on to not be obscure, because writing needs more, not less, clarity and detail when we have no body language or tone of voice to add to a message.  Why not just leave your old posts that are part of a back and forth that only becomes more nonsensical when part of it is gone, and almost no one will read anymore anyway.  
I don't know if it means anything to you, but my prayers are with you.   I hope we will both profit soon from poet- with sooner being so much more helpful than later.  Peace..  out