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Word play

FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

1. A bicycle can`t stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. Definition of a will. (It`s a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it`s your vote that counts; In feudalism, it`s your count that votes.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don`t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I`ll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can`t budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn`t find the key.

17. Every calendar`s days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. `Taint yours and `taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you`ve seen one shopping center you`ve seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she`d dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa`s helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.