I thought some of you might enjoy this. Bull

Life Preserver Certificate (An Allegory About Gold and Money)

by Al Lemerande Jr, M.D.

To some it would seem that I have a problem. I run a cruise line, and I have booked 4000 passengers for my next cruise. However, I have only 200 life preservers. I have spoken with many of the passengers and none of them are willing to go on the cruise without a life preserver. This is not the problem that it would seem, however, because I do have 4000 life preserver certificates. Each life preserver certificate is redeemable on demand for one life preserver. I have been operating my cruise line for many years in this fashion.

Where did I get the original two hundred life preservers? Well, in the early days, it was a very small cruise line. My boats only could carry two hundred passengers. I still used life preserver certificates then, but I kept the ratio at one to one. As time went on, I expanded. Because I had never had any serious accidents, being a very careful and conscientious operator (Yes, yes I am so wonderful!) I chose not to expand my life preserver supplies as I increased my passenger carrying capacity. Soon it was 400 passengers to 200 life preservers, then 500, then 1000, then 2000. Well, you can see how the story goes.

Oh yes, one thing I should mention, every once in awhile some nut would and still will want to “take possession” of his life preserver and carry it around on deck to show it off. This works well for me, because he stands out like a sore thumb and looks like an idiot. Sometimes when this happens, I’ll make a show of asking loudly whether anyone else wants to do the same thing, and people snicker and laugh mockingly. I love it.

Another Important Part of My Personal History: One day, some years ago, there actually was a small run on life preservers. One of my ships was experiencing some rough weather, and a good number of people actually wanted to physically hold onto their life preservers, just in case. I was forced, back then, to make a very difficult decision. After I had passed out about 100 or a little over half of the life preservers, I had to close the life preserver window. Basically, I made the announcement that from that moment forward life preserver certificates would be redeemable no longer for life preservers, but for something else that was “just as good” and would be delivered “just in time.” If you ask me, the “just in time” part of this whole little orchestration was the true stroke of brilliance. Whatever these things were, people didn’t have to hold them, because they would only be used exactly when they were needed. That was their “nature.” They were “just in time.” Sometimes I am so smart I scare myself.

To be totally honest, however, back then, when I first proposed this idea to the restless crowd on deck, I didn’t know exactly what would happen. I feared something like a cruise ship mutiny might just break out. But guess what? Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing! Amazing! The passengers just went along with it. I almost couldn’t believe it!

From that point on, I retained the right to refuse exchange of any life preservers for life preserver certificates and would only exchange them for something that would be “just as good” and would be delivered “just in time.” What that something just as good was or is I still, after all these years, am not sure exactly. But it must be something, because all those people wouldn’t just believe in nothing. I must be smarter than even I can imagine.

Still, there was a type of awkwardness back then to the whole situation that left me uncomfortable. If truth be told, it still haunts me somewhat to this day, even if to only a small extent. It was more noticeable on a personal level back then, however, always this creeping feeling that something unexpected, something truly dreadful might happen and really do some serious damage to the whole business I was involved in.

I lived in this type of dread for quite some time actually, this constant unease that potential passengers would, as I did, sense this “awkwardness,” and refuse to ride, or at least be deterred from riding to a certain extent. Incredibly, as it seemed to me back then, this just did not happen. Folks just kept traveling on my cruise line.

I guess people just really like to travel in style. Did you know that I have cooks that can make omelets with over 547 different ingredients, including ice cream? But I digress; the main point to be mentioned now is how much I have expanded my line since then. In fact, now I can carry well over 100,000 passengers on several ships, and I have NO life preservers. That’s right. None! The two hundred that I originally carried, I loaned out to another cruise line. They pay me a fee for the use of my life preservers and I have been assured that I can get them back any time that I need them.

Fortunately for me, I invented something just as good as a life preserver; I just still don’t know exactly what it is. Fortunately, also, for me, nobody else does either. And even more fortunately for me, nobody else really seems to care.